When you — or I — walk out of a negotiation, we take a risk. That risk is that the other side won’t come after us, that they won’t call or fax us when things have cooled off, that we lose a chance to reach an agreement with them. For that reason, walking - when you do it - must be a deliberate and considered act. If you walk on impulse or in the heat of the moment, it’ll be something that you regret. But if you walk when, after due consideration, you’ve decided that this negotiation isn’t going to get anywhere, then that, as we’ll shortly see, is quite a different matter.
To reach the point where you can walk away quietly and calmly, there are several things that you must do:
1 Make space for yourself, space in which you can regain your cool (if you’ve lost it), a space in which you can think through what’s happening and decide the ‘if’, ‘why’ and ‘when’ of your walking. If, when you’ve done that, you really feel that despite all your preparation and hard work this is the end of the line, then walking is the answer. But this sort of walking isn’t an act of despair - it is an act of courage. It takes real courage to admit that your hopes and desires aren’t going to be met, and it takes real courage to turn that into an act that’s positive.
2 Now you must prepare for the act of walking. Remember this is no act of impulse, it is a calm, considered act and it is one that you’ll carry out as professionally as you’ve conducted the rest of your negotiation. So sit down and make some notes to use when you tell the other side:
* where you are
* where you see that they are
* why it won’t work.
If you’ve got time, convert these notes into a letter to give to the other side after you told them, face to face. However you do it, it’s important that you don’t allocate blame. Just stay with the facts. When you’ve finished read your letter or your notes through, make sure they say what you want them to, fairly but accurately. Finally, remember to close by thanking them for their time and trouble.
3 Now you’re ready to tell them. Doing this face to face is important. It enables you to complement your spoken words with gestures, facial expressions and postures. It also enables you to see their reactions and to read their body language. Make sure that you do this in a way that’s courteous and considered, and always, always, leave a window open for future communication.
4 When you’ve finished saying what you want to say - go. Don’t look back, don’t hesitate - just go.
If the boot’s on the other foot - and someone walks out on you - then you’ve got a different and more difficult choice to make. For you can stop them, or let them go. Which you do depends on whether their going is driven by frustration, impulse or anger or whether it is, like yours above, a considered act. If they are acting out of anger or impulse then you should probably let them go, but do make sure that you get in touch with them later when the anger or impulse has had time to subside. When you do that, don’t open your conversation with a judgement on their walking out, offer them the chance to start again. If their walking out seems to you to be a purposeful and considered act or staged for effect, it is worth trying to stop them going - but don’t lose face or position by doing so. If you fail to stop them, make sure that you’ve left a communication window open for the future. There will, of course, be exceptions to both of the above. There will be upset, even angry, walk-outs where your instincts tell you to delay the other side, and there will be considered, but staged, walk-outs where you’ll be happy to see them go. Listen to your instincts and follow through what they are telling you - they’re often right.
If you delayed or stalled the other side’s walk-out then it’s time to quickly move on to the other side of your choice — that of trying to recover the situation.
